Can you think of anything more emotionally devastating than finding out that the person you love is cheating on you with someone else? I’m gonna discuss with you how to save your relationship after there’s been cheating and the one question that you need to ask to know whether the relationship is able to be saved.
I know what it’s like. I had a girl that I was dating who I was really in to who cheated on me so I know how it feels and I know the damage that can be done. For me, maybe this is the same for you; I started thinking, you know, “Am I not good in bed?”, “Did I not arose her?”, “Was I not attractive to her anymore” And all these things started to mess with your head and it makes you want to go bunkers but here’s the tip for you if you’ve been cheated on and you have to be willing to accept it in order to help you. But if you do it gives you great freedom and here it is.
Why ever your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife cheated on you has nothing to do with you. Now, in my situation, that might be hard for you to swallow but it has nothing to do with you. In my situation, I had been negligent right I hadn’t treated her with affection. I hadn’t been loving to her and as a result she salted out somewhere else.
So even though you know there were things I could have done better. There were thing that I could have done differently and should have, her cheating on me was all on her. That was her decision I didn’t make her do it and she could have handled it differently. So as soon as I didn’t take it personally like something she was doing to get at me then it was a whole lot easier.
And then the question that I had to ask myself, the question that you need to ask yourself is this. If you want to make this relationship work, are you willing to never ever bring this up again? Here’s what happen a lot of times, couples are together, one partner cheats ,the other one wants to make it work so they “forgive” and get back together but they always you know what it’s like you always hold this over their head, like you always got an ace in the hole and always a card to play If you do that your relationship will suck and it will never be satisfied. You’ll end up breaking up and you’ll end up carrying that baggage into your next relationship and it will be miserable. So unless you’re able to really disassociate, really see that it was not about you, like not take it personally and never bring it up again then the relationship doesn’t have a chance of working because you’ll always be playing that card.
So how do you be able to get over it and never bring it up again? Well what it take is somea real honest conversation with your partner and find out you know why did they do this. And in order for you to be really good at it you got to be curious, you know.
“Why did you sleep with her?”, “Why did you sleep with him?” And really listen and it will hurt and it will break your heart. But better to break your heart than to have it sealed off and closed and never to be able to be broken again, never be able to be touched again. So what you have to do is listen right.
Why did you do this? What were you feeling? What was that going to give you? What did you feel like you would get out of it? And all of these things gives you clues as to why they were dissatisfied. And then you determine is this something that can be remedied and are they committed to being faithful. Now you can’t do anything about that. You can’t make them be faithful and you can’t make sure that they don’t and you can’t like check in their phone or stalk them or anything like that. You have to come to this conclusion, “Am I going to believe them?” and if you’re not then save yourself the trouble but if you choose to then act that way and if they proved to you that they’re not worthy being trusted then you should end that relationship because its just a waste of your time.
But sometimes we do make mistakes and as painful as this is its you know it’s just a mistake. And If can you see it that way and not take it personally, if your relationship is worth saving then you really can save it and I know couples personally who had this happen and even though it was devastating and heart wrenching, they were able to come out of it and actually be even stronger as a result because what was there before the cheating was love. If that’s the case for you then you can make the same thing happen.